Cancer, Its a beautiful thing!
September 20, 2014
I sat outside the doctor’s office where I had my MRI done. I opened up the paperwork preparing to see the length of my Hip labral tear and I did get that and so much more. In that same report I got the news that I had cancer. In that same second I got a new perspective on life. 15 minutes after reading the results and letting it sink in I had to pull the car over and reread the report and make sure Derrick Perrin was the name attached to the report.
Yep, it was me on the top of the medical report, and unless the scan of my most inner bits was 100% wrong I have some form of cancer. After the tears stopped I immediately had a new focus. I don’t know how others handle the information but my first question is how long do I have to live. I bypassed the “How bad is it” because I knew it had been hurting me for quite a while wasn’t getting any better.
As I sit today I know its a stage 4 diffused large b cell lymphoma.
When someone has a car wreck or a heart attack and dies they leave us abruptly. They are gone it a flash without a chance of saying thank you or goodby. I’m lucky and see the world through my cancer glasses. The world is so beautiful this way. I’m not sure if other folks can truly understand. Before I was diagnosed I knew a few folks who had cancer and had a perspective that only comes with cancer. I just couldn’t figure it out till I was diagnosed. Its like a switch went off, or on depending on how you look at it.
I now sit in M.D. Anderson. I’m on day 2 of 5 of chemotherapy. These last 3 weeks have been hard as shit. Be here, be there, come quick, wait long & come back soon. If taking care of cancer was just taking the right medicines I think there would be a higher survival rate. But having a new look on life helps get past the crap easier.
And back to how cancer is a beautiful!
New Living Translation – Psalm 139:16
You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
So knowing I don’t really have control helps and brings be comfort. We all know we are going to die sometime. We don’t know if it will be why we sleep or in a car accident or any other way he has chosen. We just know there is no fountain of youth and a day has already been chosen to meet our maker. In my new vision on life I can properly tell folks thank you and what they mean to me in my life. It gives me a chance to say goodby. We don’t know if that goodby is 3 weeks, 3 years, 30 years or longer. I get to share love with everyone who has shared their love with me. Each passing day I find there are more and more of you out there. If you have reached out I thank you so much and if I don’t get to personally chat with you please know I cherish each and every letter, card, comment, prayer, like, & share. You guys make this fight a lot easier to face. I’m trying to write more often and will be expressing things here. I’m finding a way to fold up the macho man appearance and share whats going on inside.
Thank you for the love and prayers. I appreciate all of you and am thankful I have what I have because I have been shown a greater love than I ever knew was possible. I’m trying to share that love back. I’m not wishing everyone could get cancer, I just wish everyone could see the world the way I do now.
Back to the fight. I love you all.